Tuesday, August 4, 2009

A Gap-toothed Yokel Takes the Offensive

From the lusty gap-toothed Wife of Bath in Chaucer to Terry Thomas, to Vince Lombardi, to Lauren Hutton to David Letterman to Madonna, I've never been embarrassed by the raging space between my teeth.

Once I asked my dentist if he would have given my braces though my teeth look perfectly straight. I was referring to the slight malocclusion in the back of my mouth that likely contributed to my teeth-grinding at night. He said, "Probably." I realize now that he was probably referring to my gaposis. I was just glad I'd dodged the bullet and never had braces.

Someone once mentioned my gap to me in Julia's presence and she hastily shushed them saying "That's not nice." I suddenly realized that maybe my gap wasn't beautiful to everyone. I actually never thought that it was beautiful, but it was just the way my teeth went. My dad once mentioned that he liked the way my front teeth were shaped, for some reason. I just presumed that he liked the way my teeth were shaped. It never occurred to me that he might have thought that he could divert my attention from my gap.

I even joined a group called "Love That Diastema" which is devoted to the enjoyment of the little space in front. I think loving it is a full-blown fetish. You can presume that a "Diastema" is, in fact, the name for the space. That's how important it is. Apparently we "Diastematics" are known for our creativity, luck and wealth.

The other day I saw a stunning model in a catalog who had far gappier teeth than mine and she was smiling like a cheshire. It was gorgeous. Though I didn't have the presence of mind to scan her and show you, it wouldn't have made me more beautiful if I had. I'm just hoping that being a gap-toothed yokel now comes back into enjoying the admiration it should.


Annie said...

You have a gap? I have never even noticed it. Or have I and just didn't think it was a big deal and put if out of my mind? Well i like you the way you are, gap or no gap :)

Lindsey said...

I love gaps. Big, small, I love them all. I think too many people get braces. If your teeth have a little gap or a little crookedness or something it really adds to your smile. I'm personally a big fan!

The Lemur said...

you know in some tribes its a thing of beauty...so WEAR IT PROUD....i did chip my tooth a few days ago and i now have dental appointments...can't wait for my new dentist to suggest braces...which he probably won't with my luck...but if he does...i have the perfect answer...