Mme Heftybutt Makes a Decision

I am joining Weight Watchers. Rejoining, actually, but they took a signup fee so I think I must be considered a new chunky to them.

Atkins worked for me for so many years that I just couldn't make the shift. In 1989, Dr. Robert Payne suggested that I stop eating white flour and sugar just to see if that might be the cause of my killer migraines. The headaches stopped within two days and I never looked back (except on those occasions when I couldn't resist and paid with a big headache.) I took the additional step of eschewing carbs altogether and the rest is history: I lost twenty pounds and sustained a size ten for years and years with no problem. Then as life started getting more sedentary and the body chemistry started failing, I plumped. I was whapped with the fat brush. It painted me rounder and rounder until my size fourteens really hurt some days. I did lose twenty pounds last year, but ten is back now. I'm not the purist I was back in the days. Places like Cafe Rio have ruined me with their rice and beans.

Atkins could probably be working still, but there is a limit to the number of calories even that can withstand. Besides, remember the beans and rice? But I must do something. I can't stand it any longer.

I did try Weight Watchers once a couple of years ago when I went to a meeting with Marki Baxter from LDSBC. All that happened then is I threw money at a desk clerk, attended one meeting and forgot the whole thing. No weight was lost because no weight was watched. I don't like counting and measuring. Maybe this time I'll see if I can't just eyeball things for amounts. I really used to cook so I know what a half-cup looks like.

Before you is a desperate woman. I know at this age, I'll never really look comely in a bikini. But I do know that with the stairs we've got in our house, my knees will greatly appreciate thirty pounds less. We'll see just how desperate I am.