I must have been four years old because we were living at 938 Kensington Avenue in Salt Lake City when I remember being in the backyard looking at my mother's flowers. She always had a great flower garden. This particular day, there was a big spider web bridging two rows of tall zinnia's with a big, fat yellow and black spider squatting right in the middle.
Then the tension began when mother came out into the garden. She approached the spider. I felt I should warn her but something stopped me. I think I really was afraid of how my voice would sound as I shouted the alarm. What if I startled her so that she fell right into the spider? I sat in fear watching.
She came to the spider, felt the web, and started back a little saying something like "whoops!" I don't think she was even afraid of that spider.
But it was years before I didn't feel guilty when I thought of the incident. I felt I had somehow let her down by not warning her. Silly as it sounds, the feeling really seemed legitimate for years. It might even now a little.
Because of that, I think even today that little kids feel the emotions like guilt, embarrassment, shame, inadequacy and the like just like adults even when they're very small. Do you remember anything similar?
4 comments:
Good Morning-
-I love the cartoon!
-I love that you file this under neuroses
-You have some whacky spider stories (remembering the one on your washcloth - blecch!)
I don't really remember anything before 5.... It's hard for me to remember guilt, embarrassment, shame or inadequacy. I wont' go as far as saying I never feel that way but maybe I just brush those feelings off more easily. The strongest feeling I remember is fear. Fear of going to piano lessons, fear of finishing the movie "The Fly". I'm a big chicken.... and not allow to watch scary movies anymore.
Yes, I do remember feeling those feelings at times. My kids do too, at times (I can just tell). My hubby thinks I'm crazy, but I guess that just makes me just that much more "in tune" to my kids and how they feel. I hope that keeps up during the years!!
Hello from Jamie's wife, Marni. :) He sent me your blog a few weeks ago and I've been having fun lurking.
Had to post here, though. I don't remember how old I was, I'm guessing kindergarten or before that. I was pretty good little klepto back in my time, and my most recent heist was some bon bons my mom had hiding in the freezer. My parents were going on a trip to Hawaii, and for some reason the missing bon bons really rubbed by mom wrong. I remember her lining me up with my two older brothers, asking who had eaten the bon bons, and when there was no reply, told us, and I quote, "If our plane crashes and I DIE in the ocean, whoever ate those is going to feel REALLY TERRIBLE!" I stood there looking as innocent as possible, in my mind probably thinking something like, "Man they were good."
Of course she came home just fine. Many man years later I fessed during one of those brother and sister sessions, sharing all the great things that happened that mom never knew about. I feel more guilty now that she knows it was me than before.
Post a Comment